Any luck? So far no luck with Asus' email support. I'm not sure the guy I'm talking to knows the difference between MBR/BIOS booting and UEFI booting... he seems pretty confused.
Edit: Okay, so setting it to "UEFI and Other Legacy" did successfully turn off Secure Boot, i think somewhere in the update it deleted all of my UEFI boot entries that were not secure. It let me reenter the boot information from a LiveCD and worked... so I guess at one point it just cleared out all insecure entries.
Still a bug, but the issue is solved. Hopefully doesn't happen again with the next update.